I used to worry about everything. Anxiety gripped me like a fist late in the night, when I wouldn’t sleep, would toss and turn with pinballing thoughts and fears.

None were based in any sort of reality. I worried about money but had always had enough. I yearned for success and I’ve had quite a lot. I wanted love and had enjoyed a stream of boyfriends and crushes all through my life.

And so you might imagine my surprise when I discovered that the answer was so damn easy. I began studying Vedanta in April and the words on the page have transformed my life.

Swami Parthasarathy, my teacher’s teacher, is coming to Detroit in October to launch his latest book, Governing Business & Relationships.

“With no effort to build the intellect people have lost the art of thinking. As a result their lives are based on groundless belief and superstition.”

Question everything. Turn it upside down, look at its origins, discover its authenticity or lack thereof. Figure it out for yourself … do not blindly follow anyone or anything.

This morning, the sky dawns gray and cloud-filled. It will be another hot day. I am doing the work and there is much to do. Next week, the Jewish new year is upon us, sudden, soon, too early for so many as school starts on Tuesday, and the new year the next sundown.

So many moments to mark. But with meaning? Ask yourself why you do what you do. The answers may astound.

It is the most reflective time of year for Jews, and I have always been reflective. When I was observant, I found Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur impenetrable – long, introspective, soul-pounding hours of synagogue prayer and forced reflection, bookended by extremes: too-huge meals that lasted for hours or no meals at all.

The days between the two holidays are called the Days of Awe. What is awe-inspiring to me, though, is the herd mentality of the time. Go to synagogue because you always do. Listen to the rabbis admonish from the scriptures, that this is the time that God decides who will live and who will die, who will be inscribed in the Book of Life.

And then ask yourself – what do I think of all this?

Ok, this might be too heavy for a late-August blog post and nothing that you want to consider. Fair enough.

I choose to live my life in a permanent state of reflection and inquiry.

But broach the topic, even for a minute, late at night, when no one’s looking. And see what you find.

The windows are open and the birds are chirping. The sky is gray and last night it rained, though I didn’t hear it. I slept soundly, after an evening with friends and my dear sweet love.

It was a safe night, one filled with trust. But not every night is like that, nor every day, and in the past year, it has amazed me how little loyalty exists between people in this world.

I’m not going to bore you with cynicism and rebellion. But I will say that the definition of loyalty apparently is not universal and indeed, it changes with the wind.

In work, as my father says, you have no friends. So I can live by that.

With regard to friendship and personal connections, I used to believe there were unspoken truths that bound us to one another. Sadly, this is not a universal belief. And it’s a realization that I have resisted greatly.

Of course, the real truth is that the outside world can never provide reassurance or comfort. It is constantly changing. And our universal purpose is to be of service, to have compassion, to GIVE. Except not everyone knows this. Or cares to embrace it.

And that’s where the discrepancy arises.

I’ve spent a long time looking for peace and solace outside of myself. I don’t do that anymore but still I am surprised when faced with someone else’s expectations.

The cool air is beautiful through the window screen. I used to write about these moments in perfect clarity, with the perception of a poet. I used to spend weekends in the lap of the Shenandoah foothills, cradling coffee with water from a running brook and cream fresh from the cow in the yard.

I used to believe in miracles.

And truly, I think I still do.

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Have you ever wondered what life would be like IF…

Fill in the blanks. You were fatter or thinner, taller or shorter, had more sex, had less sex, were more in love, were less in love, had a different job, lived on a mountaintop. The list is endless.

Deep in the afternoon, all I see are white clouds drifting across the light-blue sky. I am thankful for the breeze coming through the window screen and the ceaseless song of birds. When I am ready to retire at night, they are still singing on their branches.

In the garden, the beans are taller by the day. Tomatoes just waiting to sprout. I used to have a backyard swing and spend warm afternoons listening to the wind and turning the page. Last winter, the squirrels ate through the cushions. It’s time to find a new one.

And I am remembering weekends at Peg’s farm, the mismatched mugs on low shelves where wall met ceiling, the sunrise over the Shenandoah foothills early, wine at night in plain goblets like exclamation points for our poems.

And I am remembering weekends in Des Moines – vast wind and extreme heat, utter bitter cold. The walk from the hotel to the Meredith headquarters and my editors – lovely, all – believing in the redemptive quality of stories.

And I am remembering the times so long ago now, when I wished for just-one-thing to ensure absolute happiness. Of course that thing never came and so I spent my time waiting and wishing.

I don’t do that anymore, though I wish it hadn’t been so long since my last weekend at Peg’s. No, today, I have everything I need, everything I want, and even far more. And the best part of it all – is that gratitude has arrived with the birdsong, that and an understanding that we are all on a path toward realization, toward higher purpose, toward bliss.

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The landscape of clouds below, blue in the night sky, part as the vessel moves above it, swiftly as if supported by nothing but dreams.

What is the purpose to my days? Is it an empty backpack, to be light and carefree? To move quickly along the beach and listen to the echo of the waves against the empty lounge chairs?

Or is it to collect moments, heavy with meaning, that I stuff in my bag and shoulder along on the path I’ve chosen?

Is it the relationships we carve out of the ice? The people we’ve met and made important in our lives?

Is the purpose of this Life the amount of money we can squirrel away in a bank account for a trip to take, maybe 10 days in length, sometime next year? And then, when it’s over, do we carry the photo album forever? Is that the last trip, the ONLY journey, EVER?

And if so, then what WAS the point?

And so I watched the movie of this name last night, thrown into surprise by the cheating woman, discovered when his heart was open on a snowy day and his rental car blinking yes at the curb. And I watched in disbelief as his only good option faded away and he faced what he’d always loved only didn’t love it anymore.

Because now, he wanted the connection. The meaning. The purpose.

And in the end, when he becomes the 7th person ever to hit 10 million air miles and be rewarded for LOYALTY to a single airline but to no person for miles around, he was sad, I was sad, the meaning had been long lost.

For what is loyalty, really? I thought I knew but a few months ago, I bumped up against the not-knowing and the disbelief of betrayal. And I, too, have been searching for the meaning in that word, to know it in my bones and believe there are a few people who are loyal to me, and I to them, for more than a rain shower.

But loyalty to an airline? To air? To nothingness that fades away as the clouds move?

Sure, he has his own dedicated customer service line that greets him by name. But he goes home to white walls and a one-bedroom that he doesn’t own and no one to look out the high-rise window beside him.

If you know the purpose of it all, give me a call. Some days, I think I’m clear. Others, I have no idea.

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I thought it was universal.

loy*alty: quality, state, or instance of being loyal; faithfulness or faithful adherence to a person, government, cause, duty, etc. (Webster’s New World Dictionary)

Turns out the definition is sufficiently vague to allow each person her own insight into how she wants to play it out. For me, loyalty means you put a person before another person or before a business matter. I have learned the hard way, that is not universally true.

And so in today’s Lempert Report, it’s interesting to learn how consumer loyalty shifts with the economic winds.

“…price is so meaningful today…we expect subsequent surveys to reflect shifts in consumer loyalties towards stores that capture ‘the next big thing’ and keep in sync with the evolving needs of their shopper bases.”

So what’s next? What’s the next big thing to capitalize on? To gain market share?

In my humble opinion, there are some universal truths:

1. Good work stands the test of time.

2. Integrity counts for a lot.

3. Patience builds a more solid foundation.

4. Not shifting loyalties with the direction of the wind matters more than you think.

5. Money does not solve much.

If you trade friendship for money, you’ll eventually end up empty.

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Last night, I cooked until midnight, then crashed into bed exhausted. In my Orthodox life, I used to do this every week.

Of course, back then I didn’t work as much as I do now and I didn’t spend as much focused time with my children. I got things done. Make challah – check. Make brisket – check. Make chicken soup and freeze it in huge containers for several Shabbats in a row – check.

And when it came to Passover, I cooked for WEEKS, in my basement, using the 1960s Hotpoint (which is super cool and cooks better than my 7-year-old GE in the kitchen). I cut vegetables on a wood slab in the laundry room and washed dishes with special sponges in the utility tubs

And then I froze everything I’d made – brisket, chicken, roasted vegetables, matzo kugels, soup and matzo balls – because I was cooking in advance of the holiday so that I had ample time to clean every crevice of the house and change out the regular dishes with glass ones for Passover.

I covered counters. I taped up cabinets. I used special dish racks reserved only for this holiday and avoided the dishwasher for 8 days. And I didn’t begin the seder until well after sundown, which means my kids were never able to stay awake for even the beginning.

Not so now. Post-divorce, post-start-my-life-over, post-claim-my-life-and-write-my-own-definition, I have told you already how I now realize that the Orthodox life didn’t work for me. The Jewish one does, of course, and so it has been two years of deciding which rituals, which rules, which observances to keep and which ones to amend.

My ex-husband doesn’t like it and rightfully so – this isn’t what any of us bargained for way back when we first fell in love.But I just can’t sign on to a religious observance that made me miserable.

And so tonight, well before the sun sets but at the perfect time for my 3 angels, we will sit just the four of us around the dining room table, and recount the story that made our people a nation.

We will remember thousands of years ago when the Jews were slaves to Pharoah in Egypt. And I will tie in modern-day semblances, too – like Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., just days before his death likening himself to Moses, who glimpsed the Promised Land but never stepped foot inside it.

And then we will spend a week getting back to basics. Together. We will savor the flavors of our heritage and we will all take part in the storytelling so that what we do today has meaning for all of us around the table.

And by the time night falls, we will climb into our beds and take comfort in the knowing that we are part of something bigger than just ourselves – but that each of us is a powerful individual without whom our tradition would have no relevance.

It’s not sacrifice the individual for the community, at least not in my house.

Both are equally relevant, equally powerful, equally poetic.

Have a good holiday everyone. Remember to savor the moments.

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When I was a journalist, I’d pitch a story, get the assignment, do the research and interviews, then finesse the words so the story sang on the page. It was fun, it was poetic, it was artistic. It was a simple process, really.

PR and Marketing can be simple but whenever people are involved in a process, it somehow gets muddled.

Picture this: I’m in a meeting with a client and I lay out all the possibilities of what Your People LLC can do to bring attention to their company, to their product, to their event.

We can tell their stories to the media and hope they’ll pick up on it. But then the client has to deliver on the increased attention.

We can tell their stories in ads on the radio, on TV, in newspapers, and online. But then the client has to deliver on the increased attention.

We can plan events to drive people into the store or place of business. When we get the people there, the client has to deliver on the increased attention.

It’s all about relationships and about follow-through. There are the steps that companies like mine create to drive traffic and attention. And then there are the processes that a company has to have in place, seamlessly and without fail, to handle the what-happens-now.

Seth Godin wrote a great blog yesterday about doing the work. Back when I was Orthodox, I read a book called Thou Shalt Not Want, about the religious take on work and income. Its quick point: you have to do the appropriate amount of work to earn enough – not kill yourself, not slough off.

Bottom line: Marketing and Public Relations do not include a magic wand to instantly make more money and nab more customers. We all have to do the work and build relationships in order to improve business. Bottom line.

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A cold Saturday afternoon and I snuggled beneath my dancing bears blanket to watch a Jennifer Aniston movie I’d never heard of, Rumor Has It. I confess – I’m a sucker for chick flicks, especially with hot actors like Aniston and Kevin Costner. (There were so many more – it’s actually not a bad movie.)

And of course, like any suburban sap, I teared up at the end when the gorgeous tanned protagonist has her a-ha! moment and realizes that while she was chasing dreams and yearning to find herself, she knew who she was all along.

So many of us do that. Right here in this blog I’ve waxed and whined in poetic fashion about the laments of my roots, the failings of family. There are many. But in doing so, what have I created? Nothing but a bitchfest.

And so where we are left at mid-life or possibly later is with the supreme and sincere knowledge that all these external factors – the people who create bumps in the road, those who pass judgment on us and our choices, and those who stand in our way as the obstacles they intend to become – none of that matters.

The stronger I am, the less I *need* anyone to approve. I can live this life in sublime love with myself and my children and my sweet man and that is enough. Saturdays in sunlight (oh, how I miss the warm weather!), strolling through the farmer’s market, and evenings with the windows open and fireflies flashing their moments past the windowscreen.

The softest cup of Cline cashmere, and the deer that hop over my fence into my yard just to track along the snow. My 8-year-old boy has asked to see the fairy doors in Ann Arbor and yes, he wants those hours with me in adventurous seeking, and I gobble them up like a starving child.

I just read Thomas Lynch’s The Undertaking, and in those pages I found so many tidbits of wisdom, like “the meaning of our lives, and the memories of them, belong to the living…”

Yes – those of us who truly learn how to be present, we are the lucky ones who truly LIVE in the moments we are given. And that is where the meaning is. Not in the yearning to travel more or the wishing-we’d-done-things-differently. Or the I-must-have-answers-NOW.

“We remember because we want to be remembered,” Lynch writes. And it is true for why else would we linger in the already-happeneds and bite our nails in anticipation of the what-comes-next?

So here’s the upshot on a late Saturday in winter. Forty-nine states are blanketed in snow and California has launched a major advertising campaign to lure people to the west coast.

All around me, there are people with issues sprouting out of their skin like spores, and I just don’t care enough to get embroiled in their mishegoss. Day in and day out, I am amazed by the lengths to which people will go to mask their discomfort by dumping on others, including me.

But I have come so far that I no longer care. I do good work, I love deeply and well, and I am a success in my meager life. Every single day, I thank the good lord above for the gems in my midst and I cherish these moments, like little gifts in Tiffany blue, so that I am acutely aware of my living-breathing existence.

To everyone who professes askance at the steps I take and the choices I make, my mouth turns up in compassion and my brow wrinkles. That’s just too bad, I whisper to the wind. And though what they may need most is a hug, it’s no longer my job to break their fall.

Bone up, people. We are the masters of our own destinies, we are the creators of our moments. Take ownership. Live well.

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First begin your day by downloading Seth Godin’s free e-book here.

Then read it. If you know anything about me, you’ll know that I am a huge fan of Seth Godin and his innovative perspective on marketing and business. I push the Purple Cow whenever possible and revisit it periodically for a jump-start in my own business. It sits on my desk, behind my business check register and to the left of my computer. Suffice it to say, this book is a seminal text guiding me.

And so it was a no-brainer to download Seth’s book about What Matters Now when I found the link on ReadTheSpirit. He says:

We’re rewarded for being generous.

If you make a difference, people will gravitate to you.

If you make a difference, you also make a connection.

I’m also reading a preview copy of Rebecca Rosen’s book Spirited, which makes its debut February 2nd. She talks about finding the purpose in our lives and pursuing it. Because we’re all here to accomplish something and, as I tell my kids, to make the world a better place.

Each of us has something unique to contribute in our time on earth – if only we realized that mission and focused our light and energy in that direction, instead of spinning wheels like so many of us do.

Think about your daily life. What matters to YOU? Are you doing something of worth in your daily work? Do you make a difference in the lives of others? When you go to sleep at night, are you satisfied that you’ve done all you can possibly do to create a community of connected individuals, in love and with integrity?

Because if you answered “um…NO” to any of the above, you’d better stop in your tracks and recalibrate. Focus your energy in a new direction. The time is now and there is never enough time.

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It’s been a while since I’ve waxed poetic or philosophical or issued an unbridled rant – so, happy new year!

I used to walk through airports, wondering where people were going, why they were in such a hurry, imagining the stories behind the faces. And the faces – I admit, I grew up on 1980s pop culture brat pack movies and I believed beauty lurked in romance. Or maybe it was the other way around.

And I spent many years looking for the happy ending, the stunning match, the confirmation that life imitates movies or perhaps it was the other way around.

So last month, I ended a tumultuous year with four solo days in Mexico with a beach so vast and soft, I could have walked clear around the earth. In the early morning sun and in the setting sun at day’s end, I walked the sand, invigorated, inspired, ignited by the crash and ebb of ocean waves, marveling every time at the way it gave its gusto slam onto the shore only to pull back in retreat.

Again and again and again. The waves would always be there, rocking in shades of blue and screaming their utterances, then whispering them, too.

The marble floors were soothing. The winter-warm breezes like kisses. Sunshine, cloud cover, fish fresh from their catch, drinks sipped in soothing utterances. I read books. I took notes on Life As I Know It and sketched out Life As I Want It To Be.

And when I came home, this is what I had gathered:

* Every person should ask herself, if I could do anything, what would it be? Then do that thing.

* Instincts are the most powerful force we have. Listen to them.

* Money ceases to matter when there is no meaning attached. And even so, money comes and money goes. Shoot for the meaning.

I once read a very thin book of Jewish scriptural thought called Thou Shalt Not Want. It explained the Talmudic perspective on income, which was basically that if you exert the exact amount of effort required for whatever your task in life is, you will be fine.

You can kill yourself to work overtime, but that doesn’t mean you’ll end up with more cash jingling in your pocket. You can shlub around and do the bare minimum, but we all know that won’t cut it either.

The whole perspective, summed up in less than 120 pages, was, do what is required of you and you’ll be taken care of. Not a sit-and-let-the-Higher-Being-provide way of looking at things. A strive-for-balance-and-you’ll-get-happiness approach to the necessity of working for a living.

In this new year, this new decade, this second-third-fourth chance at starting over and creating new beginnings, do what really matters. Only you know what that is so only you can measure your success.

And banish all those outside voices. If they don’t get you, they never will.

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