From Thursday:
Hi everyone,
It is with great sadness that I write this email. This morning, we encountered a very sad and unexpected situation. Asher’s beloved fish Clifford died.
We found him floating at the top of his tank serenely and Asher bravely used a net to fish him out. Asher, Eliana and I had a brief memorial ceremony before sending him down the toilet to his ultimate resting place. It was emotional for everyone.
Clifford was almost 2 years old. He was a hardy goldfish who endured much neglect amid the bustle of our crazy life. He was fed most days by all the children and many family members helped care for him when we were out of town. Of course, it’s never easy to say goodbye to a loved one and certainly not when it is an unexpected farewell.
As Eliana remarked before leaving for school, “I’ve never known anyone who died.” Too true.
Asher kept himself together although he said he was quite sad. But I suppose we must remember that with every ending comes a beginning. Shaya took the news hardest of all – possibly because, resting after a night of strep throat and high fever, he was not present at the farewell. Everyone needs closure.
I hope your day had a happier start than ours did. We will persevere despite the absence of our little Clifford.
Love, Lynne
Since then, several parents have suggested that I could have gotten rid of Clifford and replaced him unbeknownst to my children with a new identical goldfish. Truthfully, it didn’t even occur to me – I think I would feel guilty for years if I were to masquerade a similar but altogether different fish as our little Clifford.
And besides, isn’t this a sort of rite of childhood passage?
Oh I think you did the right thing. They have to learn eventually. I love that you had a ceremony!
Hi Lynn,
We had a similar event happen in our household a some years back.
My son, Joe,who was 5 at the time, was invited to a birthday party with a “fishing” theme. Each child received a live goldfish that each retrieved from a small pool. Sure enough, the second Joe put that fish in the fishbowl the fish proceeded to float upside down. I assumed it would be a matter of days before we’d have our own goldfish funeral. Well, 9 years later that fish was still alive albeit floating upside down. He didn’t seem to be bothered by it. I had actually read an article in the “New York Times” that talked of curing this common fish malady by giving the fish a single pea every day. It worked to some degree, but then life got in the way and the daily pea treats stopped. So eventually, he finished his final years floating upside down. When that fish died everyone seemed to take it in stride while I cried like a baby as I buried him under the lilac bush. I guess I admired that fish for his pure will to live.
We had a similar but even more traumatic and astounding occurrence in our household 3 weeks ago. My 7-year-old son came home from school, looked into our fish tank and said, “Ima, the fish are dead.” But in our case he was not referring to just one or two fish, but rather our 30 gallon tank full of fish (all 20 of them). Many of the fish were ones that were born in our tanks (leading my son to call them his children and grandchildren). Due to the freezing cold, two feet of snow on the ground, and horrific smell they were making, we did not bury or have a special ceremony, but rather while the children were asleep I fished them out, double bagged them and threw them away. Thankfully, due to the past deaths of other fish and many, many snails my children are unfortunately quite aware of the some times short lives of our water based animals. In many ways I think the loss was harder on me than the kids. We are now in the process of preparing our tank for some new fish. And the kids have been watching me test and discuss the results of the water tests so that they will know when the tank is ready.
-Michelle (Lisa Winer’s sister-in-law)